Friday

July 3, 2009

Well, test #1 was negative.  And my current cramps are telling me that my chances aren’t good.  So I guess we’ll wait and see.

Otherwise, it’s a perfectly pleasant day off.  I had lunch with a couple of my book associates — a fellow book blogger and a marketing specialist for a publisher. That was quite a bit of fun, and then I partooked (yes, I know that’s not an actual word) in a little retail therapy.  Not much… I’ve been in need of a new pair of sunglasses and some post earrings that won’t turn my ears green (I’m lookin’ at you, Walmart).  And speaking of sunglasses, the current “giant” trend really annoys me, mostly because I don’t have the face to carry it off.  And does *everything* have to have rhinestones??

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Thursday

July 2, 2009

Ugh, the dentist.

I guess overall it wasn’t *that* bad. She wasn’t afraid to numb me up, so even the cleaning didn’t hurt.  Though it’s still massively uncomfortable to have someone messing around in my mouth.  I came out with a temporary crown, that I’m afraid I’ve already bitten through.  Should that be possible?  I don’t know, I’ve never had one before.  All I know is that my teeth are still sore, and I resorted to soup for lunch because eating my bagel sandwich this morning hurt.

Today is my Friday.  Yay for three day weekends!  Happy Fourth of July everyone!

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Monday

June 29, 2009

It was a quiet weekend on the homefront.   Scott had a pool tournament, which meant he was gone Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday night.  We thought he’d be gone all day Saturday, but they lost their first match that morning and didn’t have to play again until after 9.

So, I did a whole lot of nothing, which is exactly how I like to spend my weekend.

The writing group I went to last Wednesday was interesting.  This was just an introductory meeting to see 1) if there was interest and 2) what people might be interested in getting out of it.  Whether or not I stick with it is a little up in the air… we’ll see.  I knew a couple of the people there from the Y class I took a couple months ago, and the others included a journalist, an artist who wants to write/illustrate a children’s book, an old lady who’s been writing slice-of-life stuff with her retirement buddies, a Chuck Palahniuk wanna-be (doesn’t every group have one of those?), and the leader, who specializes in essays featuring famous women.

I think I may be the only person there interesting in writing anything that even marginally resembles mass-market fiction.

This is going to be an up and down week.  On Wednesday, I have a *huge* dentist appointment.  I’m getting a crown (my first) and 4 fillings.  This is what happens when you don’t go to the dentist for 4 years and inherited crappy tooth genes from your mother. I’m more than a little nervous about it, but what can you do?  I’m hoping they let me listen to my ipod or something.  I had to take the whole morning off from work, and I have no idea if I’ll be able to work in the afternoon or not. I’ve only ever had one filling, and I can’t remember how I felt afterwards.

Friday, I test.  You know, THAT test.  I have no inkling if it’s going to be positive or negative. I don’t have the "symptoms" I had last time, but I wasn’t pregnant last time, so I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.

But also on Friday, I’m having lunch with a few book-blogger Twitter pals.  So either way, the day should have a fun component!

Wish me luck on all fronts!

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Tuesday

June 23, 2009

Whoever invented the 2 week+ waiting period between "attempting conception" and "finding out if it’s successful" is evil.  You hear that God? I’m looking at you.  Talking about torture.  I am hyper-aware of every little thing happening with my body, which means I’m then hyper-analytical about it.  Is that a cramp? Or just gas? Are my boobs sore? Am I tired because it was a busy day, or for other reasons? Is it cold in here, or have my nipples gone wonky?  Is that a hot flash?

Argh. And I’ve still got over a week to go.  I’m too afraid to be hopeful, and too hopeful to be afraid.

The good news is, when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, it read four pounds lighter than the Monday before.  Yay! Don’t ask me how I did it, because I couldn’t tell you.

In other news, I’m checking out a writing workshop at the library tomorrow night.  I have less than 10 pages written, but I’d like to check it out for possible future use.  We have the night off in our nine-ball league, so I’m taking advantage!  I really need to get into the "writing every day" groove, whether it’s here or fiction.

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Wednesday

June 17, 2009

Today has just been one of those days.

I found out last night that my old employer (the one that abruptly laid me off because they decided that distance learning wasn’t a "crucial" college function) is now advertising a Coordinator of Distance and Distributed Learning position.  Isn’t that just a kick in the teeth! I called one of my old coworkers this morning to get the scuttlebutt, but she doesn’t even know what’s going on.  They’re being just as hinky about this as they were when they laid me off.

A couple of people have encouraged me to apply, but I don’t think I’m going to.  For one, I think they’re looking for someone who does more than what I used to, and I don’t think I could take the rejection (again) if they didn’t at least call me for an interview.  And, if they *did* call me, I don’t think I could work for them again, or at least for two of the people in the administration in particular.  So I’m just going to observe from afar and see who they end up with.

So on top of that weirdness, today has been one of those days at work where all sorts of little random problems sprout up.  I feel like I’ve been putting out fires all day.  I did take the time at lunch to run to the mall and pick up a couple of t-shirts from C.J. Banks.  I needed a white one to go with my awesome red and white skirt (this one – if the link works) that I’m going to wear to my grandparents’ 50th anniversary party in a few weeks.

I love that skirt.  I don’t wear it nearly enough.

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Monday

June 15, 2009

Our weekend was pretty nice.  It finally stopped raining for a few days, so we went on Saturday on a hike to the Cascades.  Scott was wanting to take some pictures (with the big fancy SLR he borrowed from work) and was especially hoping that the mountain laurel was in bloom.  Alas, it appears that we missed it!  But, the falls were pretty spectacular.  I’ve never seen Little Stony Creek that high.  It took us 3 1/2 – 4 hours to do the four mile round trip, but we stopped several times on the way in for Scott to take photos (tripod and all), and we had a little picnic lunch once we got to the falls.

I would share some of the pictures, but it appears that he hasn’t taken them off the camera yet. Later!

Sunday I spent vegetating, for the most part.  Had to clean the kitchen and do laundry and get groceries, but that’s all usual Sunday stuff. 

I went back to the doctor this morning, and the news was good! I have an egg! So we’ll see if the next step is successful. I guess we’ll find out around July 4th.  If things don’t come together (so to speak), we’ll try again in September!

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The weight stuff

June 14, 2009

My weight loss efforts really fell apart roundabout the end of last August.  Between the trying to conceive stuff and the job turmoil, I just gave up.  I cancelled my weight watchers and basically just said fuck it. I’m done. I’m eating what I want.

So, that’s what I did, for about the next 7 months.  To my credit, I didn’t gain a *lot* of weight, about 10-15 pounds total. But it was unneccessary. Now my job is to take it back off, and then some.  But I’ll start with getting back to where I was last September.

The plan right now is that I’m not doing any specific plan.  I’m working on smaller, healthier meals.  What I *really* need to work on is exercise.  The hardest part for me.  On a whim I got a copy of Dr. Phil’s The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution, and am starting to read it.  90% of my problem is mental, so maybe this will help me work out my willpower issues.

I don’t have any specific number in mind for my weight, I just want to continue to get healthy for as long as I can.  Hopefully, my weight loss efforts and my baby making efforts will eventually come together.

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The baby stuff

June 13, 2009

I’m now in the middle of my fourth cycle on Clomid, though it’s been 10 months since I started seeing a specialist.

The basics are: I don’t have a regular cycle, and never have.  It’s not 100% weight related (though that doesn’t help), because my mother was also irregular until after her third child. I did my first Clomid cycle last August, and successfully had an egg, but the crucial part of the process didn’t come together, so to speak. Then, I got laid off from my job and moved into a new one.

Due to my new job and not wanting to surprise my boss with a pregnancy too soon after starting, we decided to put off any more Clomid until after the first of the year, so I did my second Clomid cycle in January.

No egg.

My doctor upped the dosage, and we tried again.

No egg.

At this point, my doctor didn’t want to up the dosage any further, but he offered to move me to the next stage of treatment: injections.  Which are rather expensive (like almost $1000/cycle), and these meds are completely not covered by our insurance. So instead I proposed to him that I take a few months off, try to lose a little weight (the only real difference between when the Clomid worked and when it didn’t was about 10 pounds), and then give the Clomid another shot.  He agreed.

I originally planned on trying another cycle either just before or just after we go on vacation in July, but I was surprised by a natural period starting a couple of weeks ago.  I had to take advantage of it! So here I am, midcycle.

The good news is, I have an egg that is *starting* to grow, which is further than I got earlier this year! So, I’m cautiously 10% hopeful that when I go back Monday, this egg will be big enough for us to trigger ovulation.  For anyone who’s curious, this cycle the doc had me taking 250mg/day of the Clomid for 7 days. Which is a LOT.

If things don’t work out this time, I probably won’t be trying again until September.  Between our upcoming vacation and my doctor’s upcoming vacations (he takes a lot of the summer off), the timing just isn’t going to work out.  But, those few more months will give me more of an opportunity to lose weight.

So there it is.  The baby stuff. It’s a process.

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A clean slate

June 12, 2009

It’s been a long time since I wrote in this blog on a regular basis.

I started this blog waaaay back in November 2004, as a way to chronicle my ever constant weight loss efforts and attempt to keep myself on track.  It continued in that vein until last fall, when, for multiple reasons, I just couldn’t conjure up the emotion to journal anymore. The weight problem is still the same, and now I’m trying to get pregnant on top of it all.

The summer and the sunshine are bringing some emotional stability back into my life, so I’m going to give this whole journaling thing another shot.  Consider this a clean slate and a fresh start. Fresh install, archives wiped out, I’m starting completely over.

As for what I plan to journal about, well, anything and everything.  Trying to lose weight, trying to get pregnant, work, travel, home.  Whatever strikes my fancy.

I hope you’ll come along for the ride!

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